Priest, parishioner at odds over overly specific confessions

Parish priest Theodosius Rydell was recently accused of getting inspired to write a sermon from the confession of one of his parishioners, a charge which he denies.

“On Saturday, I confessed to eating a cream-cheese bagel on a Friday after doing so well for months and how I was so proud of what a good faster I was,” whispered parishioner Alexander Gatton during coffee hour. “And then your sermon the next day was about how fasting is supposed to make people humble, not proud.”

Father Theodosius replied back, also in a whisper: “I write my sermons on Thursday, really, I do. And sometimes someone makes a confession on the same topic. But for your matter, it would help if you’d stop being so darned specific in your confessions.” He continued, his voice getting a little louder. “If someone confessed to me that they’d gone to a really good vegan Thai buffet on a Friday and overate, I’d be like, ‘wait, where is this place?’”

Three other parishioners nearby only heard the words “vegan Thai buffet,” from this conversation and immediately asked, “Wait, where is this place?”

Soon smartphones came out and it was discovered that the city had one very well-reviewed vegan Thai buffet, and trips were planned. Over the next few weeks, Fr. Theodosius smacked his forehead several times upon hearing “Vegan Thai buffet” during parishioners’ confessions.